Male Bonding

Our Dude Week continues.  Jimmy in PA is our "expert" today.

Women like to socialize with each other.  In fact, we have parties, invite each other and spend money on stuff like jewelry, baskets and make-up just to have an excuse to be together.  Can you explain male bonding to us?


I'm pretty sure male bonding doesn't exist.

Or put it this way...

I'm CHOOSING TO BELIEVE male bonding doesn't exist.

See, there's no way a guy, or bunch of guys, came up with a term like “male bonding.” There is just no way! I mean, can you picture it?

“Hey Moose, Stubby, Big Joe... I just wanted youse ta know that I had a blast watchin' th' game wit youse. Th' taco dip wuz good, th' beer wuz cold, and NO CHICKS! Yep, this wuz some GREAT 'male bonding!' Now, pass th' swimsuit issue.”

No, you CAN'T picture it.

“Male bonding” was invented by advertising agencies and Hollywood studios who know how to sell junk to women, because women have long been the most desirable demographic for advertisers, but who had no idea how to sell their junk to men. Their solution? Just pretend the men WERE women and use the same tricks. Thus were coined awful terms like: “Male bonding” (blech!) “Man Cave” (Ugh!) and worst of all...

“Bromance”

If you have used the term “Bromance” (even ironically) in actual social situations, I wish that Bruce Willis would come to your house, glare at you disapprovingly in that Pulp Fiction kinda way and then leave you knowing, forever and in your heart of hearts, that you disappointed David Addison.

Men don't gather in groups in order to get close to each other (Well, there are fraternaties. But those guys are so lame that we'll just consider them outlying data). They'll form specific groups to do specific things. They'll form a band. Not to get close to each other, but to play bad music loudly. They'll watch a football game together. Not to get close to each other, but to WATCH THE GAME!

Men WILL hang out with each other. “Hanging out” was obviously a male invention. But again, the point is not emotional intimacy (Gah! It pains me just to type the words!). The point is to do as little as possible for as long as possible. If other guys are there, great. If someone leaves, odds are the others will barely notice, and the hanging out will continue unaffected.

Sorry if that was a bit rambling.

I really do have to go now.

My good friend (Ed... Ed... umm... Ed something or other) is coming over.

We're gonna hang out.

I hope he brings taco dip!